I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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