every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
So many bounce houses so little time
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
