I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
