toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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