P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
