I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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