I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
