OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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