Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i think i have two assholes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
