In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God, I missed his penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
