You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
