Ambien. No doubt about it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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