Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
