can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
