Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
