My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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