I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
