Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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