And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
