Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
