The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
