just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
