You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
