sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
