nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
