from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
