this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
