I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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