i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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