He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
