I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
