I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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