I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
