Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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