Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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