please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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