I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your cock deserves a montage
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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