so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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