He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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