Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
