We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
