david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
