look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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