He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
