i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
