Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
