that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
