this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
