my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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