super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
