I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
