PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
