im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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