The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
