My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
