Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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